Scarcity—A Corollary to Journaling Superstition 4: Perfect Pages

Above: a page spread I did in my now infamous odiferous journal! This was one of 14 page spreads done in a day just to get the hell out of that smelly book. People will recall I love the paper I made the book out of (Velin Arches) and so it was important to me that I not simply waste the paper but actually use it to some purpose. This is a study for a dog series I’m doing. Faber Castell Pitt Artists Brush Pen (dark gray) and Schmincke Gouache. Click on the image for an enlargement.

Before I leave “Journal Superstition 4: Perfect Pages” behind and continue with the series I want to stress an important point that catches people and is related to #4. It’s the idea of scarcity. I see a lot of students and friends get hung up on this all the time. It can come in many forms. Three common statements relating to this issue are:

“This book you gave me [I bought, I made] is so beautiful that I can’t bear to work in it unless I do something perfect.”

“The paper in this book is just too wonderful to write my meeting notes or shopping list down on it.”

“If I write lists on this scrumptious watercolor paper now, I won’t have it to paint on later.”

Folks if you hear yourself saying anything like that just slap yourself! COME ON. Snap out of it. Listen to yourself. You aren’t using something because you are AFRAID OF USING IT UP.

That’s just wrong. Things are supposed to be used. The creative person takes things and uses them and in the process brings more of himself into the world, creates something new. That’s the beauty of creativity.

Creativity does not believe in scarcity. Creativity doesn’t believe in “perfect pages.” Creativity has only one great need: to make more stuff. The subcategories and definitions of that need (and the terminology) depend on the individual person and her own aesthetics, so someone might say her creative need is to make beautiful things or create a beautiful environment. That’s fine. It’s still about making stuff. It’s about making what is inside you manifest in the world.

You can’t do that with an empty book folks. Not if you’re a journal artist.

Sure I love it when the books come out of the press and look all pristine and wonderful. I do the little happy bookmaking dance around the studio (sort of like a conga line if chipmunks were doing it and carrying really large acorns; and if I had video capabilities I’d have someone tape it for you because then you would always have something to giggle over).

But I love holding that book when it is full far more. There is a quiet and delicious satisfaction that sets in for a moment, before I’m propelled into the next book. For that moment it’s pretty darn good! (There is no dance for that phase for me, but I have friends who get quite inventive here.)

So here is my point. If you have bought into “perfect pages” chances are there is a “scarcity drone” hanging out in your creative space somewhere. You need to track it down and get it out of there. I don’t care if you light a smudge stick, salt your perimeter, pray, throw a drone-chucking party, or just snap out of it. You do need to look at this construct which is holding you back, because if you’ve got a “scarcity drone” in your life it’s holding you back in more than just journaling. If you address it at this point in your life, at your creative center, you’ll have expanding benefits throughout all areas of your life.

How can you excise this illogical and unhealthy thinking? Well first of all you need to tell yourself (if you make books) “This isn’t the last book that I will make.”

Of course how do we ultimately know. We never know for instance that the last time we make love to someone is the last time, unless of course we went into the act knowing we were leaving immediately, which is a bit calculated. So in the same way we can’t know that this won’t be the last book we ever make. For instance, you might have an accident or physical change that renders you unable to make books. Then, there would be a last book. Or you might have a financial set back and not have the means to buy paper of the type you were using. And so it goes. But most of the time we can safely assume this isn’t going to be the last book you will make.

I don’t care if you have to stand in your room and SHOUT IT OUT, but you need to say this to yourself loud enough so that every part of yourself hears you and vibrates with the confidence and assurance of your words. I mean VIBRATES.

And you need to repeat whatever exorcising process you think will work for you OVER AND OVER, until it really does work and you no longer find yourself saying such lame ass things.

Here’s a tip. When I give a book to a friend and months later, or a year later, or whenever, I find out that he hasn’t used the book because it is “just too beautiful” I make a mental note to never give that person another book. Why should I? I make books to be used. The books I sell go out with a little label in them that says: “This book was handmade by Roz Stendahl. Use it. She’ll make more.”

I mean that. For me it is the ultimate tragedy as a binder when someone doesn’t use a book I’ve made. It means for some reason they didn’t like it or that they are caught up in scarcity. Hey I can’t save everyone! So I just keep on walking.

Let’s say you’re that person who buys handbound books or commercially bound books and puts them on the shelf and doesn’t use them. You think they are too beautiful or something.

No you’re just scared. You just aren’t comfortable with where you are in your process and your skills.

Here’s a tip. You are never going to gain any confidence or ability if you don’t start working every single day!

And if you think you’ll never find another book to buy so you’d better not use these, well you’ve already answered that question: You will keep buying more and more books because you are already doing this and you’re good at finding them. You've proved this to yourself many times over. Past behavior is the clearest predictor of future behavior.

The thing to do now is to USE THOSE BOOKS YOU HAVE. (If for some reason they are now totally unsuitable to you and your work then pass them along to other folks for their work, saving only one to use for next year’s International Fake Journal Month!)

It’s very simple, evict the “scarcity drone” by changing your behavior and using those blank books you have been binding or buying.

And if you have neither handmade nor commercially made journals on your shelf, you need to have a different conversation with yourself. You need to convince yourself you’re worth spending just a little money on. Buy one inexpensive book and start working and see how it feels. (It might feel icky at first because breaking bad habits for a good cause can feel bad at first because it’s unfamiliar and that makes us uncomfortable.)

Remember that you are where you are. You’re starting today. You are working today. Your work is going to be representative of where you are today.

I could spend all day, everyday beating myself up over the fact that I can’t draw like Gérôme, Sargent, Ingres, whomever. But that doesn’t get me closer to my goals of drawing and painting the way I want to, to express what I want to share with the world. So I simply get busy and use the time I have.

That’s what you need to do right now: get busy. Crack open that oh-too-beautiful book, which is the last one you’ll ever have like that and fill it up with your life.

When that’s done you can go on to the next beautiful book and ruin it too, by pouring your life into it.

It’s your choice. What’s it going to be?

Comments

[Ricë]

fabulous, roz! i'm heading over to post on the idea of Scarcity just so i can link to this and get folks to read it--thanks!

[Patricia]

Thank you. This is a beautifully expressed (and much needed) KICK IN THE BUTT!

[Alberto]

Inspiring words, thanks for the wake up call! Through the years I've stocked up on sketchbooks and journals during supply clearances. While at the moment I use several of them simultaneously for different sketching conditions, there are a couple of oversize hand-bound watercolor journals that I have yet to start since I did not want to mar them with my current skill level. I will start one today.

[Roz]

Thanks Ricë. It is one of my pet peeves and I am always trying to jostle people out of it!

Hey, if we ever get the podcast stuff worked out we could do a podcast where we play good cop, bad cop on this topic! (But even the good cop gets to cuss!)

[Roz]

Thanks Patricia. It was of course a kick in the butt with love! I want people to journal.

[Roz]

Alberto, while I don't have anything against stocking up on blank books during sales (we all need to save money), I am so happy to hear that my post today is getting you to crack open one of the watercolor books you've been saving. Have fun, enjoy it. And years from now after you've filled many more watercolor books you'll look back at it and enjoy having completed it. Thanks for writing to tell my you're starting one today!

[Julie Oakley]

I couldn't keep a sketchbook as a student for precisely the stupid reason that sketchbooks weren't cheap and I thought every spread had to be perfect. I'm so glad that in my forties I at last got over it, and I now have piles of off-the-shelf sketchbooks full of wonderful memories of my friends, family and places I've visited - I just wish I'd started earlier. Having just been on a couple of bookbinding courses I now have a pile of books I've made myself full of delicious paper and yes it's a little intimidating to start using them but I will.

[Diane]

OK! Here goes: Today's to-do list and the url to my favorite new web-site are going into the newest journal next to the little landscape and some thumbnails of trees.

[Roz]

Julie, It's great that you shared your story because as you say you have piles of off-the-shelf books that are now full of memories! This will inspire others.

Now you are about to take another step and move into those great handmade books full of delicious paper (it is delicious isn't it!).

It's great you are doing this. I hope you start right in today. And if you're in the middle of a journal that you want to finish first, select one of those handbound journals to be your next journal and set it on your desk, already for you.

It's going to be so fantastic!

[Roz]

Diane, does this mean you are starting the Nideggen journal???? YAY!!!!!! That's fantastic news. (Folks, Diane has no trouble filling up journals with fantastic art, I've just been pushing her to use better paper. It's all part of my cunning, evil plan!) [Insert tape of Roz's diabolical laugh here.]

[Nancy]

Roz, you should write a book...I'm serious! I love reading your blog..and am so glad you started one! I can see the book now, "Creativity, Use it or Lose It!"

Thank you for posting this...I think we artists tend to become hoarders or collectors of supplies. We need to remind ourselves to use them! I heard a podcast the other day on making an inventory of all the supplies you have--sometimes I think we forget we have something. Then, as you say...MAKE THE TIME TO USE THEM!

Creativity is just like love...the more you give, the more that's given back to you.

[Roz]

Nancy, thanks for the kind comments.

While I don't hoard my experiments lead me to bring lots of stuff home and just the other day I had to take something back because I didn't remember that I already had it! Time to pay more attention to that habit of bringing things home!

You're right about creativity, that's my point exactly. If you use it you get more!

Hope you have a creative day today! (Hey, and weekend, which is see it will soon be.)

[Katy]

Wonderful continuation in the series. Thanks so much!

[Andi]

I also discovered one reason I was buying and hoarding so many supplies was that I had the mistaken idea that the supply was what made the art, and that if I only found the supply that was *just right* the art would just flow. Funnily enough, I never believed in Santa Claus. Anyway, thank you for the wonderful, thought provoking kick in the pants :)

[Roz]

Andi, you are not alone in this belief, that the supply makes the art. It's actually another "superstition" I was going to write about. It plays into the idea of scarcity by creating an internal frenzy and need for something that will "be the right thing."

It's also a form or procrastination.

I'm so glad that you've busted out of this. Thanks for mentioning it so that other folks can see it too and think about whether this is part of what's holding them back.

[Vicky Lilla]

Roz
I came across your blog while researching the recent changes in Fabriano Artistico paper. I received an order from ASW and was very unhappy with the changes. Although I did not even notice the grain change, the changes in color, surface texture, size and edges are significant. The stock number on the package has not changed, they are using the same # for a significantly different paper. I was given the number of the distributor by ASW. When I called them they claimed the only change they knew of was the edge change. Other than that, they did not seem interested in my concerns and said they would go to the warehouse and take a look at it. Not really helpful to me. I am now in the process of trying to locate some old stock in 300 lb cold press. Glad you are paying attention, I thought no one else noticed. Vicky

[Roz]

Vicky, artists everywhere have noticed, and I'm glad you complained because they maybe will get a clue! My friend Kate Johnson who loves working on cold press paper has been grumbling about this change probably since the day it first occurred (as she does go through cold press paper!).

Good luck with finding the paper you're looking for. I have more to say on the paper issue in the next few weeks (i am working on a post but never get around to finishing it) but in the meantime would suggest you also try some alternative brands to see if they can deliver the response you need.

[Robyn]

Heck! I really want to believe it's possible to do this, Roz. Such a lovely post to read, now I'm going to try to put it into action. (Sound of frightened whimpering).

[Roz]

Robyn, you can do it. When you feel weak or overcome with scarcity read the RED text in this post to just give you a quick inoculation! You can do it.

[Timaree]

I can really relate to this but more to the supply idea than the book idea. I've only bought a few real journal books and I am using them. Supplies I have truly wasted waiting for the right time to use them. They have dried up, changed consistency or gotten lost while I wait to be worthy of them. It's really, really stupid because I am wasting money I didn't have and not having anything in return - not poor work, good work or fun or misery. I have nothing! I'm 55 and it's time to get over the idea of saving till I'm good enough. I'll never be good enough if I don't use stuff anyhow. Thankyou for such a great lesson.

[Roz]

Timaree, I hear your pain on the wasted dollars on the wasted supplies. BUT the great thing is that you have articulated this and you can change it right now by using any supplies you have right now, not waiting. And it's going to be great! And you can even set up little programs for yourself, use the watercolors before you get any oils, use the casein before you get any colored pencils, etc.

It's going to be great fun!!!!!